This trait is especially troubling when grandchildren come into play. A toxic mother-in-law will not respect your choices as a parent and will do so openly or behind your back. Once your mother-in-law has undergone therapy to deal with her violent and hateful outbursts – assuming she does – you can discuss small steps to bring her back into your family`s life. The straw that broke the camel`s back came when her mother-in-law introduced her to her friends as her “black daughter-in-law.” My mother-in-law does the same. When she enters the room, there is an immediate change in energy. When she played her little crocker games, I was so irritated. My husband hadn`t even noticed it before, now he can finally see her for what she is. A passively aggressive, manipulative, evil person. When she is angry with him or me, she even goes so far as to beat our 4-year-old daughter. Small subtle excavations that destroy self-confidence.
Now that my husband has woken up, her behavior intensifies as she desperately tries to regain control of her life. She likes to see him fail and be unhappy with his life to keep him under her thumb. She has now gone so far as to show up at his workplace in an attempt to fire him. She claims that her late husband was bipolar, she says that my husband, I and my daughter are all bipolar. I pointed out to her that she is the common denominator in this equation and maybe the problem is her. Any prolonged exposure to the negativity that permeates them causes severe anxiety. When we first had our daughter, we moved in with her, within a few months I had to check in at a facility. What I`ve learned from research and consultation is that she acts a bit like a narcissist, if she can`t get the emotional responses or control she`s looking for, she`ll start fuming us. She is ALWAYS the victim and it is ALWAYS someone else`s fault. She will go to great lengths to portray herself as unfairly treated, she will use a smear campaign against us to shape her narrative.
I was so frustrated and upset when she used us as a pity card or scapegoat to explain why she is in ruins. Now that I have distanced myself and taken the time to heal myself, I have been able to set strict limits, everything she does or says no longer has power. I don`t care what she says in her smear campaign, because I realize that the people I care about know my character. I feel bad for my husband because he is now increasingly isolated from his family. The only option she left us is to cut all contact and connections with her and all her pioneers, this is the only way my husband can begin to heal from 30+ years of emotional abuse she inflicted on him and prevent our daughter from putting up with it. Sometimes that`s the only thing you can do with toxic relationships. You can say, “My mother-in-law is toxic” when you hear her applauding you on the back. It`s low, even for a mother-in-law. If someone has something to say about another person, it should be face-to-face. My friend`s mother, “Shelly,” has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse. She also has a habit of calling us when she is in an altered state and crying about other issues in her life. To set boundaries with a toxic mother-in-law, you, your partner, and the mother-in-law need to sit down and talk about what they have set as rules for their household as a family.
If someone says one thing to your face and does something else or says something else to another person, they are deceitful, which would indicate toxic signs of mother-in-law. Uncertain: First of all. Her daughter has another parent – her father. You should both discuss it and do your best to come to an agreement on a reaction to her mother`s behavior. Great article but several points – my mother-in-law was wonderful and intentionally cooked meals to help. This list certainly does not give the advantage of doubt. For many negatives, there may be positive motives. You are right, when you ask us to look at our own problems, you often blind us.
I am grateful to the parents who gave me my son. Things I don`t like – of course! My husband loves her and I want that family love to grow. With that in mind, it`s clear that your mother-in-law has no right to treat you disrespectfully. According to the Bible, your husband is responsible for defending you and your children. If he is scared or does not want to rock the boat, we recommend that you talk to him. If you have a mean mother-in-law, that`s a challenge, to say the least. Yet, usually, when you get married, you and your partner become a family unit. So you can both set boundaries not only for your partner`s family, but also for your own boundaries. This is true whether someone follows Christ or not.
But Christians know that this is a fundamental truth. Genesis 2:24 says that “a man shall leave his father and mother and cling tightly to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (ESV). Jesus repeats this commandment in Matthew 19:4-6 and Mark 10:6-8. The internet supported a woman who called her mother-in-law a “racist” for “smart” comments about her children and black people. A toxic mother-in-law is unable to let go! Cross it once, and it will hold a grudge until the end of time. Third, your partner`s mother is racist and your daughter is a person of color. As you probably know from your own life, you can`t protect your daughter from racism or prejudice. But protecting her now – when she`s young and vulnerable – is a start. Raven, I fully understand the trips of religious guilt. I`ve been married for 12 years, and even when we were together, my husband`s mom tried to brainwash me into wearing certain styles of clothes. She never accepted me because I didn`t follow her church and the rules they have.
She doesn`t respect me as a mother and even tells her friends/family about my personal stuff. I just don`t understand how a woman can gossip about her own daughter-in-law and feel entitled to do so. I try to avoid her these days, and I don`t say anything around her so she can`t use anything against me. For 3 decades, I endured the hatred of my mother-in-law. My parents and grandparents left and I thought my children could benefit from having a grandmother, but their poison spread into my relationship with my husband and sometimes with my children. My son said the other day “Mom, she`s nice to everyone, she just doesn`t love you” I tried to kill her with kindness, buy her everything she wanted, take her to the doctor, listen to her needs (since her son wouldn`t do anything for her When I stopped eating her food (she lives with us), She decided to behave like a fool and not eat at all. She must always surpass me. She hides behind her religion and manipulates everyone around her with her “humility”. I`m done talking to him. I have a good heart and feel sorry for her because she is a widow and lost her other son (died in her sleep), but as soon as I talk to her, she manipulates me and makes me feel guilty for doing things she doesn`t deserve.
She must leave and never set foot in my house again! Enough is enough! A mean mother-in-law will be happy to let you know that she has far more knowledge of being a partner and can give the best advice on how to handle any situation. In all likelihood, she can give brilliant advice, but that doesn`t necessarily mean you want to do things the way she does. A toxic mother-in-law doesn`t necessarily have a grudge against you based on reality. Often, they don`t really allow themselves to get to know you personally. Maybe a toxic mother-in-law doesn`t think you`re doing certain tasks properly, so she complains about how things are done when she comes. As for your question, I know better than recommending my first inclination, which is to put the double middle finger in your mother-in-law`s face, because that would not be as disrespectful as her behavior towards you. Instead, you can politely thank her for her opinion, but let her know that you will do whatever you want for your baby. My very precocious 4 1/2 year old son loves to talk and has fun during imaginative games. He`s going to play with his grandmother and say, “And now Spider-Man is going to poop on your butt.” It rolls, and when he does it with my husband or me, we usually say, “Yuck, don`t do that Spider-Man!” and then we redirect to something less disgusting. One day, my husband heard him say to his grandmother, “I`m going on your face” (it was in the same context as before, any imaginative play with other characters), and she told him it was disgusting and that he didn`t mean he would ever get back into someone`s face.